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About Deviant Artist your humanity is showingFemale/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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When my focus fails and my emotions ail I find parts break down around me. I lose track of the pieces and retreat. My feelings pull in "reality" what depression shoves down on me and I am left hopless all around. I can't differentiate up from down. this hollow ache stonely grounds
I push myself into the earth hoping my pressure will adjust the dirt and I can rest in void of sound.
give me a moment to halt the bound
I know there is another way of dealing with this stay. Its by overwhelming impending that the strength to vacate acutely relates. In basic defense emotions are the first neglect
unnerving is the concept.
I'm not sure when my next chance in will reveal its eternal internal struggle as left and right though opposite both equally impeccably reason on a molecular level. To override collide skin and steel align and yield wrapped terribly tumbling exposed horrors imposed-- the most unsettling feeling of all is understanding danger too far.
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0
A Man can stand
There's a hole in my heart and void in the hole a tempting place to store my whole
at some point there was ground, with mass concepts holding me down
and thousands of people clamoring for a crown.
I know there was haze, it enamoured the days; blissfully ignorant tender ways
as the mist began to lift I calmed my nerves to drift
securely demurely living this.
but then you're lessthan became moreso and I was useless above the torso
not like there wasn't always a route out? A drug to allieve the doubt?
I can't leave myself to bereave; you need to internally relieve.
Understand the instrument that gives your tools use
or spend your life in refuse.
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0
ID by Riajha ID :iconriajha:Riajha 1 0
Its as though your words replay. I don't remember when you said them, but the venom in your voice stayed with me. You tried to hide your obvious distaste for me, but it shone so brightly. You never were a good liar, though you were so convinced no one ever caught on.
When I touched you, you winced. I have never hurt you, though sometimes I wish I had. The pain you caused, I remember it and know I could never deal a blow as strong as that. But then again, I don't want to make you feel like me. I loved you with all of my being, my beautiful sociopath. My abusive and manipulating boy. How I love the way you use me.
And of course, I shouldn't. Your kiss has never been enough to stop that spiral. Once it starts it never ends, you know this. So push it along, bring me down so far I can't see the top. Bottom of the bottle.
Remember, alone is where I belong.
Let's switch.
Cascasding down is an energy I have never felt before. There is no light or darkness to it, it is purely there. There is no
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0
Stay still, I'm frightened if we move the moment may be ruined. The color play in your eyes, green on grey, is utterly enticing. Not a romantic interest or yearning, more of my urge to hold you face in my hands and kiss all the hurt away. Soft kisses of a friend, of one you trust with your soul.
I'm watching all of you now, you still haven't spoken. In this candle light your skin is such a lovely olive tone, your hair crimson and brown. Your lips are framed and filled with a deep red, sensual in the slight tremor on the bottom one. A little quirk of yours I've always noticed. Your limbs are angled in a comfortable way for you, and so elegant in the way you hold yourself.
So romantic, such a passionate person. You're the woman that lives in paperback novels, Harlequin romances. If you don't mind the expression of course.
Is it too bold of me to hold your hand? Kiss your cheek, your lips? I didn't dare ask these questions, as your sorrow only hightened the beauty before me. Such a tragic
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 1
Sweet Sacrifice
It's true, we're all a little insane
But its so clear
Now that I'm unchained

Flipping through the pages of my journal, my mind keeps reeling me back to you. So many bits of information piled together, and rather than being confused, something clicked in my head. It makes sense, and it scares me.
Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds
But its taking over all the time

Your whole persona changed from how I used to view you. So blindly I trusted you, I never questioned things that left so many to be asked. Your half answers and unfinished stories made sense in my devoted head, but now that I somehow was released, the time I wasted is bitter. I need it back and it only runs further away.
You poor sweet innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me- don't deny
Sweet sacrifice

So now I know who you really are, what do I do? I suppose to swallow it down and live with this suppressed amazement is what expected o
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 2
Like You
Stay low
Soft, dark and dreamless
Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness

I'm counting down the days, staring at the phone. Your seven digits replay in my head, and it feels unnatural not to have them dancing on my fingertips. The plastic feels real to me, heavy in my hand, but the situation is far to surreal.
I hate me
For breathing without you
I don't want to feel anymore for you

Chewing my lip I caress the numbers, wishing I had the nerve to apply pressure. Even the slightlest bit, and maybe I could speak to you. A stupid idea, from a naive mind.
Grieving for you
I'm not grieving for you
Nothing real love can't undo
And though I may have lost my way
All paths lead straight to you

These tears don't taste the same. You know them well, you held my bloody hand through our humorous accidents. Stoned and laughing we toss the blade aside, amused at the accidental slip. I was laughing through the tears, the last real ones.
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the groun
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 2
One Hour
To presume the love we supposedly share is a naive act, one I indulge myself everyday. Times fade back to you and me on simple walks, hands interlocked, a sweet surrender into lies. Falsehood I decorate my lips with, the taste of the kiss you savour everyday.
I miss the warmth of the sun on my face, I miss the blind faith I had to follow along with the clergy of our demise. You know the people, the ones you trust, the ones who conduct your downfall.
And I fall blindly before you, screaming names and titles I had never heard before. This pain is like honey on my tongue. To swallow it down was to accept the poison.
You know its useless to fight, broken bullets and butterknives land at the feet of the fallen. Kill me now with your crystalline gaze, kill me now with the silence that assures my fate.
I want to love you with all of my being, but its broken into pieces. Its an insane jigsaw that never fits. Why does nothing fit? I push and crush them into each other only to bleed. I sm
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 1
Gone Forever
My head is empty. I no longer have to deal with the raging battles, with the complicated mess of my brain. There are no more locked rooms and dark hallways, I can't even see it anymore. Its just all open now.
Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years I
Still can't believe you're gone

Little pieces remind me you were once here. A few letters, some old razors, small things with no real significance. Small things that everyone believed was all me. I have these scars from you, I have broken friendships and love from you, just to remember…
So I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me with the story of our life

I have some memories that are mine. Their broken and scattered, often with me realizing them in awkward situations. Not understanding what's going on around me, not knowing the words "I" was saying, the actions "I" was following through with.
I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0

Overloaded, overdone
Stay quiet and still that I may understand
[You can't hear me]

Don't ever move
And in this time of solitude
[You can barely see]

You want to whisper
So that the screams in here can love you
[You're going to lose it all]

Don't cry for me
Can you try to lie and forget
[In the end you will fall]
…[all these little things]…
I need to say
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0
Utter Need
And you take me back
So far away, fade away
To the beginning
When we were merely
A face on the street
Meek, afraid
And I wanted to kiss
All that pain away…
Living in reverse
I leap forward, ahead
To a swollen stomach
And fear left dead
You spin, I spin
Falling down, alone
Yet sewn together
The kiss, the passion
The soft tender touches
The breath, so heavy
The moans so light
Faint and strong
The urge for you
This feeling
This being
This utter need in me
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 2
The day started off quite nicely, I thought it would be another normal… routine school day. I came to school in the morning, greeted by my best friend sitting up in his niche on the balcony. We talked, debating whether or not to see the councilor together that day, the answer was no, we could help ourselves.
Slowly but surely more people began to pile into the commons, spreading to the lower floors and down the hallway beneath our current place. The building branched off like silky threads on a spider web, I was always amazed to find new places around.
I don't know why, I don't know whether to call this feeling ESP or something, but when I got it my instincts were always confirmed… I felt a nagging feeling in the back of my head, something was wrong, terribly wrong…
He looked at me.
'Do you feel that too?'
Its hard to explain, but we always had this connection, no need to finish our sentences when it was just me and him, we always knew.
'Yes, what is it? I see something, and I know it
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0
Coma Black
'I thought we were in love, you said you'd always be here for me… where are you now?'
My mouth was a crib and it was growing lies
I didn't know what love was on that day

Words written on a piece of cheap, blue lined paper. The ink was black, for banishing negativity, and once folded, was sealed with wax. I stared at the note, its shape illuminated by the soft candle light surrounding me.
As the wax began to dry, I removed the pentacle from around my neck and pressed it on the seal. Now, it was complete. I closed the circle and quietly left my house, wouldn't want to wake the sleepers would I?
My heart's a tiny blood clot
I picked at it

The night was still, a bit chilly, but rather tame. A cloudy sky blocked my view of the stars, and the moon only shone in short glimpses when the fog brushed away from it. I walked, taking a different route than normal. I had to see his house; I had to see him… with her.
It never heals it never goes away…
I kept my stride at a
:iconriajha:Riajha 0 0


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your humanity is showing
Current Residence: within
Favourite genre of music: everything
Favourite style of art: expressive
Personal Quote: Cover her face, Mine eyes dazzle; She died young
In the last 4 years there has been alot of changes.
Emotions re-arranged.
Looking back to these entries I'm not going to delete them, just build from them.
Welcome wanderer from the internet, is intrigue enough to bleed?


Add a Comment:
SilentPlea Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2011   Digital Artist
Thank you for the :+devwatch: :hug:
lightthesky Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2006   Photographer
Thank you for adding me to your friend list.

You have a gift for words.
Abatrasau Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2006
hey there! thanks for the add!!! looks like ur pretty new too so welcome! hope u like it here